Updated: Oct 5, 2019
In my last blog post I touched on change and how present it is in my life right now. Well there she goes again. I came to Nantucket to celebrate my beautiful friends getting married. I was able to get a trunk show for Wild Intuitives in while I was here and really make the most of a full week on the island. I have been having this sense lately that something really unexpected was coming, but it felt like something that would be outside of me. I definitely did not anticipate having emergency surgery the day I was supposed to fly back to Nashville.
Back in December I was having a hard time. I wasn't in the best place mentally, my health didn't feel balanced and I felt SUPER stressed about my finances. One night I began to experience excruciating pain in my stomach. I was trying to make myself throw up, assuming it was something I ate that needed to get out of my system. My right side was in so much pain and I began to have a panic attack and could barely get off the bathroom floor. A friend advised me to go to the Emergency Room. I took her advice, I didn't tell anyone, I just ordered an uber to one of the hospitals in Nashville. The minute I got there I felt stupid, like I was overreacting and I was COMPLETELY judging myself.
They did X rays and did not detect anything. Again I felt silly and dramatic and embarrassed that my panic attacks were manifesting so physically in my body. As time went on I felt better, but there was still something that I didn't quite feel right. I am a super sensitive person and my energy gets drained very quickly so I kept chalking it up to that. It seemed to be getting worse. Over the past few months of summer I was hustling to get the business off the ground, I was in a relationship that went up in flames, and I could not seem to maintain balance in my health. I remember going to one of the evening farmers market with a friend and having to sit down to take a breather just from slowly walking around and her reaction being like "Carlisle are you okay?" my response being, "yeah you know me, I am just so drained from this week." NOT NORMAL, I eat consciously, I practice yoga several times a week, I do A LOT of things to take care of myself.
The week before I came up to Nantucket I noticed some old emotional patterns starting to surface. A lot that had to do with anxiety around money and being able to stand on my own two feet. I hit the wall emotionally, I went in for an energy healing session at Osho and I kept saying to the practitioner in tears "I am just so exhausted, I can't function like this anymore." I felt helpless like I couldn't be "on" in the way I needed or wanted to be to work with private clients and to be enthusiastic about Wild Intuitives.
When I got to Nantucket the words coming out of my mouth to my closest friends were "I feel exhausted and inflamed." I took some yoga at Supta, I went to the sauna with a friend, I was walking on the beach, you know, doing ALL the things to come back into balance.
My last night on island my grandmother took me to the Yacht Club for dinner. I had 6 oysters on the half shell and ordered lobster for dinner. A true farewell meal. I did not have any alcohol, thank god, I think that would have made the pain ten times worse. I went to bed feeling so swollen and dreading not feeling well the next day for traveling. I woke up in a sweat around 1:30am. Tossing and turning, my stomach felt like it was on FIRE. I just kept assuming it was the food and went into the bathroom to make myself throw up, the exact same situation as what happened back in December. By 5:30am I knew something was really wrong. I could not breathe. My grandmother took me to the emergency room.
My grandmother did think it was odd that I kept talking about the "pain" I was in, but she and everyone else were pretty convinced it was food poisoning. They gave me morphine, an IV drip and nausea medicine. Things began to subside. Then the pain began to come back just as strong if not stronger which made NO SENSE. The doctor had me do an in depth cat scan. We waited for the results. I kept saying to the nurse "this is not food poisoning, something is wrong."
The doctor came in and with a very matter of fact tone said "it is appendicitis, our on call surgeons are on the way." It all happened so fast. I was scared, but these doctors came in so confident and were so real with me, I felt very safe and we made a quick decision that I would have a laparoscopic appendectomy. Dr. O'connor performed the surgery and I also had Dr. Leopre in the room. I couldn't believe the amount of support and love that showed up. Some of my closest friendships have developed on Nantucket and every part of the situation was the best case scenario.
I feel like I have already learned so much about how much more change needs to occur in my life and I have only been out of the hospital for two days. When something does not feel right with you do not be afraid to talk about it! I had been keeping this physical pain and low energy to myself for months! Trying to tough it out and push through. It could have killed me. When something like this happens it creates so much perspective. I will not let stress dictate my life any longer.
I feel so lucky and so supported. My friends in Nashville are taking care of my sweet kitty cat Princess Leia who I am dying to get home to. My friends on Nantucket have been literally waiting on me hand and foot and my family is being so supportive.
I am looking at this as an opportunity to wipe the slate clean. To look at all the tools I have learned and be very open to new approaches to a healthy lifestyle. All things anti inflammatory, that ranges from diet to relationships. Wild Intuitives is about ALL THINGS HEALING. I feel an inner importance to share my journey and how I will recover and maintain my health. I feel that there are so many of us out there struggling in our own ways mentally and physically. Being a yoga teacher I have learned that all emotions manifest in the body. The Universe is pushing me to dive even deeper with this. I want to strip back every layer and get to the core. To walk the walk of true holistic living so that I can heal myself and hopefully inspire others to do the same.
I have to shout out to ALL the people in the medical industry. I try to be as home remedy as possible, but god damn, am I grateful for Western Medicine. The staff at the Nantucket Cottage Hospital were absolutely amazing. It is also a brand new facility. They made me feel so safe and cared for. The Nantucket community is just so unbelievably special. When shit goes down it is amazing to see who and how people show up. I hope and strive to be as good of a friend and person in my communities as people have been for me through this experience.
I will be recovering on the island and making my way back to Nashville shortly. I am anxious to get back to work. I feel Wild Intuitives growing subtly and beautifully, but there is a reason this has happened. There is a lesson here for me. More learning for more sharing and shining the light. I will be doubling down on that CBD and educating myself from the couch. Mad love to everyone. No time or room for any bull shit. If it feels inflamed it is time for it to go.
Lets keep it peaceful.